Death

These last couple days have been a trial on me. A friend of mine's husband went into the hospital with West Nile virus. They have two children and one on the way. It was suspected yesterday that it could be terminal. I begged God to keep this man with his family. To not make a widow of my friend with three young children. If he has such a heart for the orphan and widow how could he make another? Then I started to think of Africa. We are going to Uganda in two months and there are so many orphans and widows out there. I feel almost selfish begging on behalf of my friend when there are so many people out there that need God. She has two churches praying for her and her family. Hundreds of people praying on behalf of this man and his family. 

It is scary to think that one of my friends could die from disease here in Canada. Death is scary when you are young. I am not afraid of death for myself because I know that I will go to Heaven and that will be the best thing ever. I am afraid more of someone else dying, leaving me here. There are so many things I could do in this world to help... and yet I have become a graphic designer. It seems so useless. I have a good job that could potentially make us lots of money; oh, how I hate that thought. 

I have always wanted to go to Africa. The idea of it is thrilling. To go to a place where people aren't consumed by material possessions. But there is much pain there and much corruption. I never knew about those things when I was younger. I guess it is true, "When I was a child I acted and thought like a child and now that I am grown I have put those things away." I am not so ignorant as I was and yet my heart still yearns for that place. I know there is pain there. I know Africa will bring my heart much pain but is it possible that Africa will also bring my heart joy? Joy through the pain. I have so much to learn. I am still so ignorant. Will I ever know enough to be able to help? I feel like I have nothing to contribute because I know so little. I don't want to spend my life learning. I want to help. I want to do something. 

I feel so restless here. Life seems to have everything sorted out perfectly for me. I have a good husband who has an amazing job. I have a good job with lots of time to think, work and get other stuff that I have been putting off done. And all the other things people in North America hope for; health, house, car, good family, friends, support. With all of this how could I be restless? How could I ever want for anything more then what I have? I feel selfish for wanting more. I feel ungrateful for not feeling at peace with where I am. 

What is death really? One man was saved from death here in Canada. A family was saved from becoming devastated from losing father/husband. God saved him. Praise God! He saved this family. 

What happened to Africa? HIV/Aids has run rampant there making new widows and orphans there every day. Are there two churches praying for every person who has contracted aids amongst the christians? Are there people bring the family meals while they take care of the sick? I suppose there are just too many. I know nothing. I have never been to Africa. I have never known anyone who has HIV/Aids. I am ignorant. My voice should remain as a silent thought. 

My heart cries out today for the orphans and widows of this world. I cannot imagine losing my husband. My heart cries out to you. You who have endured so much. I ask that the strength of God be given to you. That through your trials you will be given faith of incredible proportions and that God will fill that gap in your life.