Journal 1

Wow, it's June 2. I'm a baptised member of Westside Community Church. Everyone expects me to be a prayer warrior but how? I want to praise you. I want to comunicate with you on a one to one basis. You mean everything to me. I hate to say that I do not read my Bible enough and I don't pray enough but I know it's true. Oh, God, you did a great job with my testemony. I couldn't believe how stunning a job you did. Wow, you have great words. Thank-you, I couldn't do it by myself. You did an awsome job. I love being your tool. Everything was perfect and I wouldn't change a word. Now would you please teach me to get closer to you? Thank-you for all you've done. I love you.
Amen

Journal 1

It's time, God. Three more weeks. Will you accept me with open arms? WIll you be glad to adopt me? I know you will but my heart is aprehensive yet. Please calm my heart... no, God please let it open wide with praise for you. And God, I'm trying to appologise to my old friends. I need your help here. I have made many foolish errors. I push everyone away, even you sometimes. I'm sorry. I don't mean to. Please, let this baptism wash away all my hurt and foolish pride. My worries seem so foolish when I look to you and see all that you can do. I really don't care what I get on the exam tomorrow. I kind of want to do my best and get a really good makr but if I didn't do so good, maybe my brother would feel better. Oh, God, why am I still here? There is so much to do out there, I can almost touch it. I get so frustrated! God, I don't want to be aprehensive. I trust you. I am becoming part of your family. God, please wash away all these regrets so I can look to the future with overflowing joy. Every day is a gift.

Journal 1

It was such an awsome concert! Wow, God, you sure move those people. The Newsboys not only sang but they gave a short sermon. Wow, Jake was also great. We got home @ 1:30am. Ouch, and I havde an exam this morning. In one week I'm done school. Tomorrow I'll finish filling out my student loan form. Please, God, I need this. I've got a job babysitting this summer. One girl, five weeks, $18 a day (I'm used to about $50). But I'm ready to relax. Time to get ready for next year. I am so tired. I love you God. You are so great.
Night; Amen

journal 1z

Oh God,
Where is my confidant? Why don't I have one person who actually can relate to me? I have Rachel but I want to talk with someone on a deeper level, share all of my secrets. I wish... no. I push everyone away. Why do you let me do this? I miss them. He was such a good friend, no one could understand our connection. I could never marry him but he was a great friend. Another fiend I am scared of and want to cower at the sight of him. Onc we were able to tolerate each other and I can still remember his sweet side. He understood me... would he still though? Maybe not. And another friend was good listener btu I feld smothered in the one way friendship. She is still my friend but not so close. Now, I have no one. God, I want to depend on you but even you said it was not good for us to be alone. Help me.

journal 1y

So, God. I really want to do everything for you. I feel nothing at the moment. I really like that energy you gave me. I know it was directly from you. Why can't I share it? I am so frustrated. Why can't I share the most important element in my life? I really want to but I don't. I want to be baptised but I have to take the initiative to ask. Give me the courage. Oh, God! I was so excited, now I am numb. Please, I want it back, please.

Angels

Verses:
Gen 48:16; Ps 34:7; Ps 78:25; Ps 91:11; Eccl 5:6; Is 63:9; Dan 3:28; Hos 12:4; Hos 12:4; Matt 13:39; Mark 12:25; Luke 4:10; Luke 20:3b; Luke 22:43; John 5:4; Acts 12:15; 1 Cor 6:3; 2 Cor 11:14; Heb 2:2; Heb 2:16; Heb 13:2; 1 Pet 1:12

journal 1x

Orange, ha. I said no blue or purple. Everyone has blue or purple. Me and Deanna were going to stand out. Red and orange grad dresses. She got blue and I got lilac. IT is a beautiful dress. I would ahve got banana if it owuld have come in a nice color but off white made my skin look pale. It has the sleaves that I wanted. I love it. Thank-you God for your good taist. You knew one store was all mom could handle. The dress fit perfictly. No zipper, no button, no fuss, and it as the sleaves! I love the sleaves and the flowers. It is so pretty. I can barely wait. Just over 3 months now! Two months after taht I head for the adventure of a a life time. Oh God, You are great. I am so excited

journal 1w

Two weeks alone are over. Mom and dad are bck from Mexico. They brought back God's joy, wisdom and understanding. I have their support for next year. That is all I wanted from them. I can barely wait until next year. It shall be awsome. You are so great God. You are showing me so much I can barely stand it. With each thing I learn about you I get a stronger hunger for more. Thanks for watching over me while my parents were away. I survived it on my own. I have more freedom with them back. Tomorrow I go grad dress shopping. Grad pictures are taken. Life is so exciting. Oh God give me the courage to ask to be baptised. I need to be paptised soon! These flowers are from grad pictures. They are babies breath.
Was he here, in Morden? Oh, God. Why the silly mind tricks? I saw his face. I saw him. I do not understandany of this. Please, give me peace about it and allow me to depend solely on you. It is just admaration and infactuation! but I saw him in Morden. IT was the same face as on the strecher down the hill at lake Louis. I had the same feeling and sence as I did then. It was like I knew him. Who is he? Why is he so powerful? How does he shine so? Oh, God. I love you God. I do not understand my heart but I trust you. I love you. Show me your way. And God, please show my friend your light. I am willing now. He needs you so.
Amen

journal 1v

"I have set watchmen upon your walls, O Jerusalem, which shall never hold thier peace day nor night: ye that make mention of the Lord, keep not silence,
And give him no rest, till he establish, and till he make Jerusalem a praise in the earth."
Isaiah 62:6-7

Well, there is a movement across the globe called 24-7. It is prayer constantly like at Herrnhut years ago. Non-stop prayer. I want part of this. They have places called the boiler room where people come and get 'hot' for God. I am beginning to think that the almighty God gave us more than a true/false strategy. We do not just say God I will follow you and then expect Him to walk our feet and talk with our mouths while we sit and wait for Him to do something. I want to do what He wants but He also wants to be our friend. Can you imagine being friends with the Souvern Saviour? Wow! This is a lot to comprehend.God wants us to ask for protection and things that will bring glory to His nae. I know His responce is awsome but how? I want to listen to the Holy Spirits leadings. I read taht to learn to pray you must pray. I am learning slowly. I have never heard of anyone under the age of 19 who had such a desire. I am 17. I canot understand large words and sometimes I do not know what words in the Bible mean. it is hard to learn with such a limited vocabulary. I supose I need a dictionary beside me everytime I read. It is hard to get into anything then. I do not want more knowlege but I want to know what I am reading. I feel so stupid when reading books with really big words. I want to be part of 24-7. God help me get a group here who would. I have a need to know you closer but to do this I need to know other Christians as well. Help me to do this. Give me the courage to approch people to talk about you. Help me have an overnight prayer meeting. I never act on these impulses but each one has more strength than the alst. Show me what you want with me. I cannot wait until next year where my entire year is devoted to serving you. I want to be like that guy at NYC. I want to shine your glory. I have seen a guy who is still in school shine. Let me get close enough to you so people can see on me that you are the one true God. I cannot wait for my next step. Believe, trust, surrender and now intercession. Oh, God, this is so exciting serving you. I love you. Thank-you for my dear Grandma. I have something in common with her. That is why I am glad you decided that I should not have a boyfriend. I like to have that connection with my grandma. You are so smart. I love that no matter what happens, it will all work for the greater good. I love you with all my heart. You are the one true God and I want to proclaim it acrosee the nations. God, I want Morden to know you. I want Manitoba to know you. I want Canada to know you. I want to world to know you. My hands are yours. Maybe adults would know more if I just asked.
With all my heart, Amen
And God please show a friend your glory. He would be passionate about you and he is such a charmer. He would be good for your mission. Please show him your glory.Amen

journal 1u

God, you are awsome! You have shown me so much in the past month. Intercession is great. Lord, but it made me realize that I need some friends that I can be with and pray with. I don't know how to get this. Please show me. Please, I beg you. You are enough but you did not make people to live individually. You said 'Where two or more are gathered in my name' that you would be in the midst. That says alot. I am not two or more by myself. I can barely wait till next year. You are so great to give me this opportunity. You showed me intercession at a workshop in Calgary. The people teaching it had a fire in them that I wanted. Than you showed me those movies about the effect of intercession and I was hooked. I bought two books on it and read every verse all my Bibles refrenced to. My mind is really opening to your awsome power and the effects of my prayer. Oh, I love you, Lord. You are so patient with me. I am slow but once you have my attention I cannot turn away. Let me be baptized in your blook. Wash away my sins and Lord help me to walk down your staright path because I am very clutzy at times. I want to be part of your family. Will you adopt me? I am ready to do the actual paper owrk now. I just want to be with you. Give me the courage to approch this suject with Gerald or a Pastor at Church. I love you so much. Thank-you for accepting me into SOD. It means so much to me to be able to do this.
Amen
And God give me your fire so I can shine you grace for the world.

journal 1t

I got in! I got in! I got in! I go to SOD next year! I was accepted. I am so excited I am practically jumping off the walls. I got in! Oh, God, thank-you so much. I am so excited. Thank-you God, thank-you! I can barely reststrain myself and it is already past midnight. Tomorrow starts school. I will shout from the mountains. God is so great to me. I love you so much, God. Thank-you, thank-you, oh, I love you so much God. This is a great day that actually started in tears. Now, if I cried when I was happy it would end in tears but my eyes don't water when I am so happy. God, you are so great. You are my dream come true. Thank-you. I got in! If this was my last day on Earth I would leave a happy person. It feels good to be accepted. Oh, Lord, thank-you so much. You are such an awsome God. Thank-you. I love you, I adore you forever. Oh, God! Thank-you, thank-you. I will praise you for this for months to come. OH, I love you, Lord. I love you. YOu are so good to me. I can barely contain it. Oh, God, thank-you, thank-you. this is so great. I got in. I am accepted. I love you.
Amen

Intercession

Def'n for intercession:
-a lightning upon, melting with
-a conversation
-a petition
-speaking the presence and hearing of God on behalf of others
-to fall in with, meet with in order to converse
-to make a petition
-to make intercession, plead with a person (either for or against others)
-peading with God
-intercede on behalf of others
-the work of the Holy Spirit in making intercession
-the prayer of one person for another
-an effective, fervant prayer

Verses:
Gen 18:23-32; 1 Kings 8:33-51; Ezra 9:5-15; Isaiah 52:12; Dan 9:3-19; Luke 23:34; John 17; Romans 8:26,31-34; Hebrews 7:24-25; Jer 7:16; Jer 27:18; 1 Tim 2:1-2; James 5:16

journal 1s

Women should not have to do dishes! I really cannot understand why at every family gathering the women do the dishes. I was told among with those younger than me that if I did not help with dishes I wouldn't get presents! Can you believe the audicy? My brother and all the men sat around the table and waited for the dishes to be done. I'm sure if the younger boys would have sat down to talk with them, nothing would have happened but had any of the girls sat down we would have been repremanded. I know that throughout the ages women have done dishes but I HATE DISHES. I work in a restaurant for goodness sakes. Give me a break. Why can't the men get up after a meal, clear the table and do the dishes while the ladies sit down and talk? Is that a bad thing to want? Prehaps I am over reacting but it is not fare. I for really upset at Christmas and I am sorry. I was having a hard time excpeting what happened to my friend, then I am told to do dishes while the men sit there because it is 'womans work'. oh, God, please take these hurtful thoughts from me head and never let them reach my mouth. Thank-you Jesus for being my output. I love you. And, please, Lord, plese, if it is your will let me be accepted into SOD. Please
Amen

journal 1r

Calgary was great! I had so much fun that I didn't have time to eat much. There was a guy with blondish hair, from Ontario whom I noticed at everything I went to. He was at both of my workshops. Apparently he has goen with YMI on a mission trip. He was full of Gods love, noticably. He can't ski. I noticed on the bunny hill he kept falling. He even laughed with me when I couldn't get up on my snowboard. Later when I was going down the big hill (mountain) I saw someone go down on a strecher and I recognized him. He had sprained an ancle. The next day when we went to the session he was giving his testimony.I wish I could have inconspicuously gotten a picture of him. Oh, well. The whole weekend was great. Thank you Lord for letting me go.
Amen

journal 1q

Abba, Father. I love you. You are my comfort and protector. In three days I go to Calgary. What an expearience that will be.
Abba, father: I love the very sound of your glorious name. It is so comforting. I love you.
Amen

journal 1p

It was a perfect Christmas. Please Lord, I hurt for my friend so bad. I don't think it my place to tell anyone. She is reporting it. Please be with her and show her your glory. She ahs gone through such a terrible thing. No one should be abused, but sexually, that is sick. My stomac turns at the very thought. I can't help my constant yerning to cry for her. I feel so useless. I don't know how to handle this. Oh, Lord! I can't help trembling. And she was so casual about it. She said she thought her uncle had changed... I am so blessed not to have such an uncle. Oh, please God, please. Help me to understand why you allowed this! of all things, uncluding murder, sexual assult must be the worst. Oh, God, I don't know what hapened but I don't think I could handle that. Oh, God!

journal 1o

Jingle, jingle, jingle. The reindeer jingles. I like my red nose reindeer. I cannot spell. Such simple things amuse me. For instance, a tiny bell on a candy cane reindeer. I love you, Lord, so much. Good night. Love ya so mcuh. And Lord, please take care of Carl. I leave him in your very capabel hands. Please show him the light.
Amen

journal 1n

Lord, what am I afraid of? Do I really care so much about peoples opinion of me? I'm not afraid of death but I cannot just speak openly about you. You are right beside me all day long, yet I cannot bring myself to share you with others. I am not ashamed of you. Oh, please, help me. You are great, I love you above all and I trust you with my entire being. I don't want to be selfish. Everyone should know. I am your tool. Use me as you will. I trust you.
Amen

journal 1m

Oh Lord, thanks for healing me so quickly. I also thank you for giving me the courage to talk to dad. I'm sorry I was so selfish yesturday when I was sick. I know Grama is really fussy about having things neat. I have nothings against her. As I said, I get selfish when I'm sick and when she starts caring more about my nose dripping on her floor then me... I didn't care for that. I had fun today with the pottery wheel. I think i like that. Teasing Dillan is kinda fun too. I tried to be nice but he's like Aunt Lisa. You just can't help yourself. He couldn't get anything, I mean I got a shape but when it started wabbling, it fell apart. Christmas is 26 days away. Ph and Lord, I don't understand why failing that test didn't even make me flintch. Yesturday when I was sick I was crying over the very thing. Thank you for my life. It really is great.
Amen

journal 1l

Thank you so much for this day. It went great. I mean all week's been great. Thanks for giving me Monday off Lord. Even with an extra text yesturday I was in a good mood. You know, I worry too much. I'm glad you are here to take my worry. Thank you for carrying my burdens. I feel light and free. You are so wonderful and you stand by me forever. Your brithday is coming up. Is there anything you really want from me? I give you everything. i love you and want to be by you forever. I can't wait till Heaven where I can praise you 24/7. Those shall be wonderful times. You have given so much for me and you expect nothing from me. I feel inadequate but thank- you because I could never pay for such a gift! I love you and praise you.
Amen

journal 1k

Oh, Lord, I am so confused. I know I can keep my schedual the way it is. I never had a life before and now... well, I have one. Well, some people still accuse me of not having a life but do I rely on people or even my own understanding? I sure don't think so. I still have a long way to go to you. It's not hard, I just have a few appologese to get over with. Oh, Lord, I so need your help to deliver these. Take my worries God. I love you. Thank you for your never ending touch and help me rely more on you.
Amen

journal 1j

Alright Lord, I'm involved. It's great. Please tame my wild toung. I do not like gossip. It is wrong. Please forgive me! Next Friday I go to my first football game. I don't even play football or watch it. I will go for the fellowship. I also signed up for the National Youth Convention in Calgary. So between fundraising, hanging out, saving money, Spanish classes, voice lessions, and you I have not so much time but that's cool. I don't want to waist my life anymore! I want to get out there and serve you. Wow, my life is full but if I go over the list school is my only problem area. Please give me patience Lord and thank-you for not providing a guy in my life now. I want to serve you first then if you will other things will come. Please help me with school and save enough to help with next year. I love you Lord.
Amen

My testemony

First accepted Jesus at a young age after reading 'Keys for Kids' one evening. Infront of the fridge, waiting for the bathroom I asked Jesus into my heart.
Youth retreat a few years back: Topic was 'surrender'. Started giving everything to God. Been working on that ever since and am not yet fully surrendered.
Youth retreat this year: When we drove out there I had a feeling this wasn't for me but I wanted one last glimps. Got so little sleep the first night, I prayed that God would use that weekend to help me even if it wasn't His will that I was there. I learnt what it meant to 'Pray without ceasing' and it felt good to be in constant contact with God. I realized that I had to let fo of that Church as I had let go of our old house. I was in the same rut. I have a hard time surrendering things to God. But seeing this I could give it to God. I also found an answer I had been searching for for a long time. I want to go to the mission feild. I was not sure and still am not fully sure that it isn't just my restless spirit but the more I give to God the more I want to do this. Next year I plan to take something at Canadian Mennonite University called 'School of Discipleship'. This includes four months of mission in Guatemala or South Africa as well as helping at camps in Manitoba, Bible classes and much more. I feel this way I can learn and also see if this is Gods leading for my life.

journal 1i

Why don't I fit in? I have not yet found a place among people where I belong. It is very lonely, even God says we need people. I can't comprehend. Oh, Lord, please help. I need people. Why do I push everyone away? I don't know what to do. I need help, Lord. Please, help me. Please. I will never push you away on purpose like I have everyone in my life. You are my only confident.
Amen

journal 1h

Good morning! Actually it is 11:30pm but I have got this snuggly morning feeling right now. Voice and Spanish classes are great! I love my spanish class. I am the youngest and the only one in high school. It is a collage course but I don't care, it distracts me from my normal hum-drum school routeen. Soon it will snow and I pray for help that I don't fall into a winter fut again. I like to be happy but lately my emotional range has gone from happy to sad to mad to overflowing love. Happy is the one I like to concentrate on since none of these emotions have a very good reason. Prehaps this is just me changing from girl to woman. I know it's happening because I see the changes in myself. I thank God for these changes and pray for patience. i am still part girl and that is just fine. help me be more like you, Lord. I am so far from perfect but you said "A mustard seed of faith could move mountains." I need more faith, I know I believe but am i totally surrendered? I have let so much go in the past year, now I must give everything else. Help me Lord because I can't get through life on my own. I need you. My life is in your hands. Thy will be done!!! I give you all understanding, my job, my brother, my parents, my friends, my lost friends, my life and everything else. Life would be scary without you. I believe the greatest happiness comes through you. Please give me this happiness and faith like Job. I believe anything is possible through you. Take my life, this was your gift when you died, now I will accept you, I will let you into my heart. I have never let anyone close and the idea is scarey but I trust you alone.
Amen

journal 1g

Oh, Lord, I can't describe this yearning inside of me. It hit so hard and I don't know what to do. I finally came to terms with myself. Is this the next step? To look for someone to marry? It seems strange since I am only 17 but I suppose many women have been married by 17. I feel like I am or really want to be in love, I want a partner truly, but I can't find him here. I can see that where-ever life takes me in the next few years, that is where I will marry. I pray for patience since I have no prosepects and the Lord may have other plans for my life. Who would be my brides-maid? But maybe I need to find great friends before I find a mate. See how I interact with people and how I react to people. These thoughts of love and marrage are so new I don't know what to do yet. Please Lord give meguidence and patience to help me through the next few years. You are my first Love always. My marriage will be set on your love. Hlep me get to know you better and lead me down the straight path. Please have patience with me and as you teach, I learn to follow. I love you, please help me.
Amen

journal 1f

I'm happy now with who I am becoming. This is the first time in a long time. It's been five years since we moved and I am just starting to feel peave. God has had so much patience with me. I seem to watch my life in two perspectives all the time. I see from where I am and as an outsider looking in. I knew I was fighting God when I grew bitter but I didn't know what to do. THe answer was simple, surrender fully and thankfully. I wanted to many times but could not. At times I begged God to take a burden that I couldn't let go of but he wouldn't. I had to give it to him willingly and thankfully. This is the only way to have peave. Praise be to God forever more. I rejoyce in the name of the Lord almighty.
Amen
I surrender. All is the Lords
Gratis

journal 1e

So much is revealed tonight! God is great! To love everyone is not to love what they do but to see beyond what they do to whom they are. It is so simple. Why can't people see the truth?
Here is another secret I have kept hidden, I've always thought I would die young. I am not afraid of death, I know I will see my heavenly father. I am more afraid of life then death. Every moment on Earth now is one more than I expected. Prehaps it is a gift from God. No doubt! I must use this time to serve him. To make history must be more exciting then studying it. I must find somehow what God has planned for me. I always thought Africa or South America. I have a feeling I'd be more comfortable there but is that what God wants? I must first serve God, then my parents, all before myself. I despise money and without I'd be in my key element but can God use me with or without? Yes. I will follow Him for the rest of my life and try to live it to the fullest. I love you my love ing Lord and Savior. Please show me thy will. Amen
I have physically felt Gods arm wrapped around my sholder, reassuring. There is nothing more wonderful than this. :) He is good to me and comforts me. With His arm on my sholder I am unvincable. He will keep me with Him for all time and I rejoyce at this. Because I believe and have repented He gave me His spirit and stays close by no matter what.
*Home, for me is Heaven but until God calls me home I will serve Him here.*
His way is not always my way!

journal 1d

Dear Lord and heavenly Father,
Peace from you is more wonderful then anything imaginable. Your arm is tight around my sholders and you comfort me. I thank-you with all my heart for this peace. I pray for others to see your light for the wonder that it is. I love you , I adore you. You are the most high and awsome God. This is the second best gift you have given me. I will sing your praises into eternity. Please show me your will and your way. Please keep your loving arms wrapped 'round me because it is such a comfort. I love you, I praise you. Forever you are my God, thank you. You have brought me through the hard times and given me true life. Help me start to live in a way to honor you and show others through me. I am your unworthy tool.
Amen

Journal 1c

Such a blessed day as this. The sun shines Gods glory down on us and melts the cold snow. Yesturday was the first day I went outside with bare feet. What a wonderful freedom. There is still snow but it no longer matters. :) I must keep a smile on my face for it is terribly contagous. I found this out from Sara and now Brian. Their smiles and laughtor could brighten the gloomyist of spirits. We must shout Gods joy to the world. Show them the peace that we have and then they will want it too. "I will fear no evil". I know God is with me where ever I go. Evil cannot harm me when He is near. I will go and be an example to others weather God wants me here, Africa or Eurpoe or where-ever. I want to shout forever of His loving kindness. I will "Pray without ceasing". He always hears my thoughts and answers my prayers. I would accept "No" just to know I heard him say it. Trust and obey. Surrender. Love.

Journal 1b

Good morning. The Lords light shone through my window this morning. He gave me happy dreams and a wonderful morning. His glory shines down on the Earth and His mercy is unspeakable. I have made some bad mistakes but now I surrender. Dad has set me free, now I must set my past free and use his example. The snow is shinning and there is an overall peace in the air. It is a good morning.
"This is the day that the Lord hath made, let us rejoyce and be glad in it. This is the day, this is the day that the Lord hath made."
And it was a great one. God hath surrounded me with his love. He knows me and calls me by name. I feel extra special. He is great. All honor and glory are the Lords.

Journal 1

Dear God
I am blessed and loved. God is real good and with Him there is no obstical I cannot overcome. It is His work that He has called me to do. I will praise His name forevermore. Jesus, Lord of Lords, King of kings, I worship you. Take me as thine own. I am unworthy. You are in control and without you, I would be nothing. I love you and put mylife in your loving arms. Guide my path so I may walk in your way. Thy will be done. Help me overcome all evil. Show me the way so I might serve you. Shine through me and help me show the world thy mercy. I trust you. I am nothing. Please, help me. I love you and your love is uncomprehensable. Show me thy way, lead me. Help me put aside my pride and lead me forward. Without your grace and mercy I would still be falling back. I am unworthy of your love but thank you. Amen